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Our Program, who are in memory
hello be thy name
the O.S come
thy commands be done
at the printer as they are on the screen,
Give us this day our daily data
and forgive us for our I/O errors as we forgive those
whose logic circuits are faulty
Lead us not into frustration
and deliver us from power surges
For there is the Algorithm
the Application
and the Solution,
looping forever and ever
Return. Maxims for the Computer Age 1. Home is where you hang your @
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C:\ is the root of all directories.
8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Windows will never cease.
18. In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal).
19. Virtual reality is its own reward.
20. Modulation in all things.
21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
22. There's no place like http://www.home.com
23. Know what to expect before you connect.
24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
25. Speed thrills.
26. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
The Seventeenth Chapter
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
A bug
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
The definition of an upgrade
The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
Windows error messages
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Press any key except ... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
6. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
7. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
8. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
10. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
12. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
13. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
14. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
15. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
16. User Error: Replace user.
17. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
18. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
19. User Error: Intelligence Resource Level Insufficient
20. Netscape.exe... Bad file name... May we suggest MS Internet Explorer? (Y/Y)
Branded Cars AUDI : Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
BMW : Brings Me Women
FIAT : Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
FORD : Fast Only Rolling Downhill
SAAB : Shape Appears A&&-Backwards
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And
Inexpensive...
SUBARU : Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
VOLVO : Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having
Everything.
Murphy's Laws Murphy's Technology Law #1:
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
Murphy's Technology Law #2:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Murphy's Technology Law #3:
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
Murphy's Technology Law #4:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Murphy's Technology Law #5:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Murphy's Technology Law #6:
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure.
Murphy's Technology Law #7:
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Murphy's Technology Law #8:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Murphy's Technology Law #9:
All's well that ends... period.
Murphy's Technology Law #10:
A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost. |
